Last Dance for Grace
The Crystal Mangum Story (Excerpt)
With the writing of this book, my healing process begins. Whether I can go on with my life will not be important to most people, but it is to me because I plan to go on, be productive, and offer better chances for my children. I believe I have to find healing for myself. I also want to provide healing for those who feel they have been hurt. I know there are many people who are suffering from some kind of trauma and my story may provide a point of common ground where they can start their process of reconciliation. I can only talk about my life. The good, the bad, and the ugly parts have been what I have lived and they have brought me to this place in time. I know how each moment of the life I have lived has had an impact on who and what I am today.
Others have tried to tell my story for me, but they do not have that right. Only I have that right and, due to the circumstances, I believe I have that responsibility to try to set the record straight about a lot of things. I have had to endure almost two years of constant negative talk about my life by people who were only trying to hurt and discredit me.
Now that there has been almost two years since the case began, I can read with a new perspective some of the characterizations of me. My first reaction is always to be angry. The things that were said about my background, my school, and my city were hurtful. What I have found there is hardly a flattering description of any aspects of my life.
So without any reservations or hesitation, I define myself as a mother, student, and daughter before all else. I know others have descriptions of me that are not anything I would use to describe myself.
I have experienced the kind of life I do not want for my children or anyone else. I do not want to be remembered as a troubled girl, who ends up being a troubled woman, who ends up saddling her troubled life on the backs of her children and grandchildren. Being the matriarch of a dysfunctional family is a terrible legacy that many women of all races have to live with. While my story has components of race in it, there are multiple narratives dealing with more than race. However, I am not afraid to acknowledge that the motivation on the part of some who participated in discrediting me was racist.
Perhaps the telling of my story will give us an opportunity to discuss racism calmly.
There are also clearly issues of sexism that exist in my story. Many have criticized my choice to be a dancer but find it hard to condemn men who use women for entertainment. This is despite the fact that men conceived of and hosted the kind of party that had all the elements of bad taste, alcohol abuse, racial animosity, and a sexually charged environment that could lead to nothing but trouble.
Being in the public eye and under so much scrutiny has been difficult. Even as I try to move on with my life, I still find it necessary to take one more stand and fight.
. . .